Care Is a Verb: How to Show Someone You Care
We often talk about care as something we feel.
We care about our friends. We care about our family. We care deeply when someone we love is grieving, unwell, overwhelmed or simply having a hard time.
But there is a little difference between feeling care and making someone feel cared for.
That’s why we like to think of care as a verb, because some of the most meaningful care happens when that feeling turns into something we do.
- A message sent.
- A meal made.
- A lift offered.
- A hard day remembered.
- A little check-in, just because.
Care doesn’t have to be grand, it just needs somewhere to go.
What does “care is a verb” mean?
To us, care is a verb means taking that lovely instinct of “I’ve been thinking about them” and, when we can, turning it into action.
It doesn’t mean fixing what someone is going through, and it certainly doesn’t mean finding the perfect thing to say or do. It simply means finding a small way to let your care reach them.
Sometimes that is sitting beside someone and listening, putting dinner on their doorstep, sending a text that says, “No need to reply, I just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you." And sometimes it is remembering to check in again when a little time has passed.
Small things, but tangible ones.
How to show someone you care
If you’re wondering how to show someone you care, it can help to forget about finding the perfect gesture.
Instead, think about their day.
- What might make it a little easier?
- What might help them feel remembered?
- What is one small thing you could take care of?
It could be:
- Sending the message while you’re thinking of them.
- Dropping off a meal so dinner is already sorted.
- Offering to do the school run or pick something up from the supermarket.
- Bringing them a coffee without expecting them to host you.
- Sending flowers or a handwritten card.
- Taking a small job off their list.
- Remembering an appointment, anniversary or difficult date.
- Checking in again next week.
The gesture itself doesn’t have to be remarkable, often the loveliest part is simply knowing someone noticed.
Turn “let me know” into something they can say yes to
When someone we love is going through a hard time, one of our first instincts is often:
“Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
It comes from a very caring place, but when someone already has a lot on their plate, figuring out what they need - and then asking for it - can become another thing to think about.
So one way to turn care into action is to make the offer a little more specific.
Instead of:
“Let me know if you need anything.”
Try:
“I’m making dinner tonight. Can I leave some at your door?”
“I’m heading to the shops this afternoon. Is there anything I can grab for you?”
“I can do school pick-up on Thursday if that would make the day easier.”
“I’d love to bring you a coffee. I can leave it at the door if you’re not up for company.”
Specific care can be easier to receive, there is less to organise, less to explain and sometimes, one less decision to make.
Small acts of care still count
We can sometimes underestimate the small things because they feel too ordinary, but care is very often ordinary.
- It is remembering their coffee order.
- Putting the bins out.
- Sending the photo that will make them smile.
- Making extra dinner.
- Writing the card.
- Noticing they’ve gone a little quiet.
- Checking in without needing anything in return.
None of these things will solve grief, illness, exhaustion or a difficult season. That isn’t their job, their job is simply to say:
I see you.
I remembered.
You matter to me.
And sometimes that is plenty.
How to support someone going through a hard time
When someone is struggling, it is natural to want to make things better, and often, we can’t.
We can’t take away a loss, we can’t speed up someone’s recovery, we can’t always change the thing that is making life feel heavy.
But we can look for the small piece that can be made easier.
- Perhaps dinner can be taken care of.
- Perhaps they could use a lift.
- Perhaps there is washing to fold, a dog to walk, children to entertain or groceries to collect.
- Perhaps what they need most is simply someone who keeps showing up.
Supporting someone through a hard time doesn’t have to mean doing everything. Sometimes it means noticing one small thing and quietly taking care of that.
And sometimes, care is remembering again
There can be a rush of support when something first happens - the flowers arrive, messages come in, meals are dropped at the door... And then everyday life begins moving again.
But for the person in the middle of it, the hard thing may still be very much there. So perhaps one of the most meaningful acts of care is remembering again.
- A message a few weeks later.
- A meal once everyone else has stopped bringing them.
- Remembering the anniversary.
- Checking in after the appointment.
Care doesn’t always need to arrive immediately to matter. Sometimes, it is the person who remembers later who makes us feel especially held.
When you can’t be there in person
Of course, the people we want to care for aren’t always nearby. They might live at the other end of New Zealand, across the Tasman or simply too far away for you to arrive at their door with dinner.
But distance doesn’t have to stop us from doing something with that feeling of care.
- You can send the message.
- Make the call.
- Post the card.
- Arrange the flowers.
- Have dinner delivered.
- Send something that lets them know they were on your mind.
That feeling is at the heart of Angel Delivery.
When you can’t be there yourself, we’re here to help you send a little practical care on your behalf - comforting food, flowers, baking and your own handwritten words, delivered to their door.
Because sometimes saying “I’m thinking of you” is lovely. And sometimes, we can take it one little step further.
Care is something we do
There is no single right way to care for someone. It will look different between friends, families and different seasons of life. But perhaps the thing worth remembering is this:
Care doesn’t have to be big to be felt.
It’s the little things we do with that feeling of care that matter.
Small, everyday ways of looking after each other.
Because care is a verb. ❤️
Care Notes is our little series about the many ways we can show up for the people we love.
Watch the Care Note: Care is a Verb here.